Ten years

[MagsJ]

And guilt I feel for closing on this elegy on loss, some say never look back with regret, par example, the half century that only now to mind,

So I double down, and then double again, from an impoverished .minimum, the least of which is that:
the threshold of a curious whom-to the only opportune payback , is its reflexive possibility: the awe generating the greatful humility: in the face off.

Irreversible occurrences..


With some professionally-suitable CBT/physio program, to help me cope with and ultimately accept my chronic illness, I have ceased grieving for the old me.. and with it, the past.

My little buddy will always be in my heart, but not necessarily my mind.

[Meno_]

For me heart and mind are unluck have it, are irrevocably interconnected and sometimes even change polarity.
Tried CBT and it does help periodically.

[MagsJ]

Edited:

For me heart and mind are unluck have it, are irrevocably interconnected and sometimes even change polarity.
Tried CBT and it does help periodically.

For me.. it's heart and gut that are irrevocably interconnected. We are all wired differently, or become re-wired, through profound eventful impacts on our life.. these re-wirings can be rectified, you know?

I have recently (in the last year) been having thoughts I've never had before, and cannot decide whether they are due to age, triggered by a chronic illness, or are simply a natural occurrence in the development of the individual human psyche. but I am glad that they are becoming less, and I, more myself again.

[Fixed Cross]

Ten years is nothing for mourning.
I've learned that too.
Twenty years is something though, it is beginning to appear.

Thanks for the poem.

[MagsJ]

Twenty years is something though, it is beginning to appear.

21 years.. a defining moment in time.

[Meno_]

I wish I could say something now.
You may now suspect that it's binding time. One way or another. Its not a comfortable position to be in the middle.

For me 10 or 20 or more is no different. Can anyone face it. Does a thing like that can ever really be understood, for what it is.

That it was a mistake, no doubt, where from it came? Who would believe it, leaving , a wrong word, for which unreason ushered in a lifetime of regret.


The social cues should be obvious and I am determined from now to be much more alert about them.

[Jakob]

If we have a soul, we don't forget at all.
But if we have some luck, the powers of the present do outshine the memories.
And so memories build and the temple of our being is carved out in which they finally come free and dance.

"Get over it"
We may get on top of it. But we never forget.



On top is where we staying
Till the end, as long as we'll pray
On Hot 97 ya hear
DMX all through the year

[Meno_]

If we have a soul, we don't forget at all.
But if we have some luck, the powers of the present do outshine the memories.
And so memories build and the temple of our being is carved out in which they finally come free and dance.

"Get over it"
We may get on top of it. But we never forget.



On top is where we staying
Till the end, as long as we'll pray
On Hot 97 ya hear
DMX all through the year

Such an optimist!

[Meno_]

Edited:

For me heart and mind are unluck have it, are irrevocably interconnected and sometimes even change polarity.
Tried CBT and it does help periodically.

For me.. it's heart and gut that are irrevocably interconnected. We are all wired differently, or become re-wired, through profound eventful impacts on our life.. these re-wirings can be rectified, you know?

I have recently (in the last year) been having thoughts I've never had before, and cannot decide whether they are due to age, triggered by a chronic illness, or are simply a natural occurrence in the development of the individual human psyche. but I am glad that they are becoming less, and I, more myself again.

My little bud and I are in constant reoccurring communication, and although his IQ can be questioned, his egoless state, not, only its source questionable, whether it emanates from genes, karma, or necessary practice, the hindrances are grossly underestimated by him. But to return to norm is out of the question.
Its becoming daily more and more emphatic and he tells me he's been this way do to no conscious episodal incidence.

But its not an all about him phenomenon, since he was as well touched , before.

[Jakob]

There is much sadness to that year. In 97 things culminated, in 98 everything/one, was dead or changed. Me, my world was uprooted by a loss, and I still live in that wrecked ground, but after 20 years Im more capable than 10 years ago of not just doing things but also being things, or a thing. I just, as I am, first had to find out how that works, being.
In 96 they really culminated, 95 was a heavenly place, 94 and 93 pure myth of innocence, 92... still political, Yelstsin fresh on the mind... 91 - beyond that, all was Cold War.
It was really different then. Colder, and cozier.
So the early nineties had both the warmth of freedom or whatever and the coziness that still remained in how we saw things. American, good.

But then.
The Matrix signifies the descent of man into nihilism.



"Let 'em know that amidst all this confusion
Some of us may do the winning, but we all do the losing
It's just who does the choosing"

I didn't get that at first - but its the same as Ive been saying.
The only immortality is valuing.

[MagsJ]

..but after 20 years Im more capable than 10 years ago of not just doing things but also being things, or a thing. I just, as I am, first had to find out how that works, being.

..a thoroughfare, from here to there.

I didn't get that at first - but its the same as Ive been saying.
The only immortality is valuing.

Well, if things have no value in our selves or in others, then they have no place in our lives or environment.. why we regularly self-assess, to optimise our lives, free from the valueless.

Seems like we all go through the process.. as humans, but probably in our own individual ways.

[MagsJ]

I wish I could say something now.
You may now suspect that it's binding time. One way or another. Its not a comfortable position to be in the middle.

For me 10 or 20 or more is no different. Can anyone face it. Does a thing like that can ever really be understood, for what it is.

Its probably no different for you, because a different reason brought you there? as opposed to what brought me there..

That it was a mistake, no doubt, where from it came? Who would believe it, leaving , a wrong word, for which unreason ushered in a lifetime of regret.

The social cues should be obvious and I am determined from now to be much more alert about them.

For me it's having to be comfortable with interacting with others again.. a constant self-analysing of self, constantly, and re-adjusting accordingly constantly.. talk about hard work.

[Meno_]

Its like a poker game, bluff, trump cards, hidden hands, winning hands.

Why people arrive at a point may be result of pure luck, relying on luck may also get one to the other side.

If a fortune teller sees tarot as interpretive of either this or that, love or wisdom or long life, usually she tells you need to make a choice.

How many would choose love?
Then , how it ends most often is a flow from one to the other.

But there is a sad joy, in that flow, coming as of from a deep well, inexhaustible, and flowing back to its source, which is the same.

Then after that, nothing happens , its still and deep, not to disappoint even in the most outrageous vagrancy. Meaning not merely a change of actual habitat.

Then something does finally happen there, a movement, a sign, a little miracle.

Usually, it goes unnoticed.

[Meno_]

But it does i feel it now, can't erase. Its recorded, the messes incontrovertible. What now?

There is nothing now but silence of a beat. A heart. A tell tale heart of darkness, this is why from now to eternity those dead have offered company, ghosts, all of them, and the hunted get used to the haunting, . now the night, envelops into the sleepless long day, journey into night, yes must work on it, so that even if, wearing a cig. on my ass, a man like,

Well me,
A man wearing a rose in my mouth, oh no they must not see it, no no no , the desperation, later now tired will continue

[Jakob]

..but after 20 years Im more capable than 10 years ago of not just doing things but also being things, or a thing. I just, as I am, first had to find out how that works, being.

..a thoroughfare, from here to there.

I didn't get that at first - but its the same as Ive been saying.
The only immortality is valuing.

Well, if things have no value in our selves or in others, then they have no place in our lives or environment.. why we regularly self-assess, to optimise our lives, free from the valueless.

Seems like we all go through the process.. as humans, but probably in our own individual ways.

I think one is fortunate to have the power to disentangle from the valueless. Many seem well beyond even realising there is such a thing as self-valuing.

I dub the self valuing logic I unearthed into the formerly Virgin skies of truth, the Ring of Power.

Cause, well, it is what it is.

Forget the dark lord and the evil tower. I mean the ring of power that connects a self valuing to itself through the world, through its gaze on the world and reach and path into it.

[Meno_]

Almost a fait accompli

However perhaps intentions especially worth while ones may spare a measurable retribution for an almost inconsequential rush to judgement and even overcome it.!?!

[MagsJ]

Somebody stepped inside my soul..